


Emotional Innocence

by mrweeaboowatson



Category: supermega
Genre: Angst, Desc of... body horror kinda?, M/M, but.. be wary of that I suppose..., for just a couple of lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:20:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24887491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrweeaboowatson/pseuds/mrweeaboowatson
Summary: Matt didn’t want to open his eyes.
Relationships: Ryan Magee/Matt Watson
Kudos: 17





	Emotional Innocence

Matt didn’t want to open his eyes.

He wanted to stay in the darkness of his mind forever, even though he knew how unsafe it truly was in there, being alone with his sometimes gruesome thoughts about things.

It was like sitting in the middle of a dark room, it being so pitch black that you can’t even see your hands in front of your face, if you attempted to wave them in front of it. You feel as though you can hear everything around you, even if at the same time, you can hear nothing. 

It’s terrifying.

Anything can jump at you at any moment, or grab you, or do something that may not be unnerving in the slightest, but the darkness makes it seem so. The darkness of your mind makes you immobile, a merciless victim to whatever your own dreaded imagination stirs up for you.

Matt truly wanted to stay there forever, but his blue eyes opened suddenly to a tap on his shoulder, the tap alerting him more than usual, since it had hit the skin, just before his sleeve covered his shoulder.

The tap was also very cold.

Maybe it actually wasn’t, but it felt cold to him. It felt unnatural, like it was one of the worst things that could have happened to him right now.

Of course, that wasn’t true.

It could have been a slap, a stab, a punch, or literally anything else. Anything can be worse than a tap. A simple tap to shoulder.

But not for Matt, in this moment at least.

He spent so long thinking about the feeling, he swore he could feel his eyes bulging out of his head, his breathing increasing as though he felt like they were going to squeeze out of the sockets like worms and hit his glasses with a firm splat, before falling to the ground and slithering across the floor, leaving pools of blood running down his face like a waterfall of endless, empty despair.

Matt eventually looked up at his ‘tapper’, that of course being Ryan, who was sitting on the bed before him, while Matt was kneeling on the floor like an obedient animal, the sun illuminating his pale face through the blinds like a scene from an atmospheric movie.

Ryan looked down at the younger man’s empty expression, him having no choice to of course feel troubled, since he felt like he was sitting before a corpse, a haunted one that was still breathing against its will.

A gulp slithered down his throat before he took his hands away from the hem of his shorts, since he was originally going to pull them down so the two of them could engage in sexual acts, but something about this didn’t seem right.

It felt like... this wasn’t meant to be.

This particular moment, of course.

His hand began to shake as he placed it onto the soft mattress of the bed he was situated on, since he had noticed out of the corner of his eye that Matt was watching his every move, it being unnerving that he was doing this in this... dull state of his.

To be honest, he kinda hated it.

He looked up at the ceiling for a mere moment before he looked down at Matt again, his smile quivering, while the younger man looked as innocently obedient as ever, while he was hiding something behind that dreaded gentle smile of his.

“...C’mere.” Ryan stated with a low hum in his tone, his left hand patting the bedside next to him, his eyes catching Matt suddenly staring at him bewilderedly, which frightened him in ways that he couldn’t even describe. It looked so… inhuman to him.

Ryan moved his position back a little as he then fixed the bedsheets of the bed, as if he was trying to make it as comfortable as possible before Matt got up and joined him in a close embrace.

But that didn’t happen. 

Matt was still on the ground.

The lankier man looked up at Ryan with his fear making his eyes seem like they were shaking, as if they too were afraid of the tears that were building up inside of every part of his body, threatening to burst water from everywhere in his body out of his eyes, leaving the two of them to swim through a flood of his bitter tears.

This was his fault, right?

Of course.

Matt bit his lip as he thought about this, his face looking down at the ground as he began to silently panic and battle with himself, his breaths audibly becoming faster, as if he was about to double over and start having trouble with his lungs.

This was his fault. The fact that he had taken too long to start. The fact that he wanted to keep his eyes closed and maybe even wanted to drop dead then and there so Ryan wouldn’t have to deal with him anymo-

“Matt.”

Matt didn’t look up, but his shaking paused for a moment, his breaths still being shaky, but it being a clear indicator that he had registered hearing the other’s voice.

He didn’t dare look up as he swore he had heard the springs in the mattress pop in relief, while also swearing he had heard a weight next to him grow, it being a terrifying thing to imagine if this was a dark room, really. Being in the dark, feeling something behind you, and then-

Matt’s breath hitched.

Ryan was softly grabbing him from behind, it clearly being terrifying for Matt in this foreign state of his, but he clearly had to be put through this to help his horrible episode pass.

Matt began to huff in and out more, before he once again paused, as he felt Ryan bring him closer to him, his entire body now feeling warmer, as Ryan was hugging him from behind.

He tried to keep everything in for as long as he could, but it was too painful. 

Matt’s voice broke several times as he tried to blurt our broken apologies to Ryan, his lanky fingers soon clinging into his skin for dead life as he twisted around to cry into his shirt, Ryan seeming to quietly grit his teeth as he felt the younger man’s nails biting into the skin on his arms like many daggers at once.

“Shhhhh... just let it all out Matt. P-Please.” Ryan cooed softly to Matt as he cried salty tears down Ryan’s back, it certainly making him close enough to crying as well, due to how upsetting it was to hear his significant other so terribly distraught and... hollow sounding.

Ryan couldn’t get that out of his head.

The look Matt was giving him while he was on the ground. 

It surely was a look of innocence, but there was something awful about it, since you could truly tell that on the inside, he was yelling for help, as if he didn’t want to do this and instead had so many other things on his mind.

It scared Ryan.

He was afraid he had never noticed it before, especially when the situation was rather dire.

There had been enough podcast recordings in that past that had ended in Matt suddenly wanting to go home alone, which the two played off as a joke at the time, but Ryan never really took the time to think about how well Matt really hides his emotions from him, yet sometimes gives hints to needing help when... well, he needs it.

Ryan cursed himself relentlessly in his head as he bit his lip in anger, the rage certainly boiling up before he stopped, the world freezing as he looked down at Matt, relief and sadness washing over him as he saw his taller counterpart asleep, while still clinging onto him like he was trying to escape a horrible painful punishment of a death.

Ryan of course wanted to get up on the bed so they could be more comfortable, but due to how he knew how sensitive Matt was right now, he decided not to.

He didn’t want Matt to wake up in a blabbering frenzy about how he shouldn’t have cried in the first place, since he honestly didn’t want to hear Matt bashing himself to death again before breaking down for a second time into salty tears that puddled the floor they had previously been sleeping on, uncomfortably so.

That thought was... terrifying to him, so Ryan did the only thing he could do in this moment, since he had left his phone on the left side of bed, while the two of them were sitting against the right side, Ryan’s back being to the wood and the mattress.

He closed his eyes, and didn’t want to open them.

**Author's Note:**

> ngl I was NOT in a good mood while writing this so it gets very deep D: sorry!


End file.
